Since the end of the 1990s, there has been a significant increase in the number of separations in France. All types of unions combined, we are now standing at nearly 300,000 couple separations per year. When the couple has children , it will not only concern the two adults but the children as well . It is important to find solutions that will protect the children . Their psychic balance must be the absolute priority.
It is very important to pay more attention during those difficult time and to accompany the children with caring, intelligence and sensitivity in a situation has been imposed on them .
Announcing the separation with calm and psychology
For many months, the situation with the couple has been getting worse. Parents are argui ng, the children feel the tensions but refuse to think about the separation of their parents.
They want their parents to stay together even if it is difficult for the household. The parents themselves do not know what to do, some will continue their relationship despite tensions, depressions, and lack of desire.
Start explaining to the children, little by little, that a separation can happen but that they will always be loved. Children must remain the priority.
From words to deeds! It is always a complicated transition
It is rare that a separation goes well and that the two parents decide on a mutual agreement to break off their relationship that has become impossible to continue. As a private detectives agency in Paris, we too often see parents tearing themselves apart and taking their children as witnesses for blaming the other for the bad behavior.
The breakup often occurs following an adulterous relationship or infidelity. This is also one of the main reasons why a private detective firm will intervene in a separation case.
The detective then makes it possible to dismiss the doubts which are generally no longer really there. Once the decision is made, the parents announce their separation to the children. The one who has made a mistake often has several postures that will make the child feel uncomfortable (lack of feeling or guilt, lie that comes to light, feeling of betrayal, feeling of manipulation…).
Children then no longer will trust the adults and see their parents as failing. Tensions appear and discomfort arises. Be careful, the “cheated” parent will the one that brings up the points that will hurt the other parent who made the mistake.
The child then finds himself on the front line and feels manipulated on both sides. It is also not uncommon for the child to be use as a “judge”. He then finds himself having to take sides.
The child disturbance will persist until the parents decide to go with their respective lives and stop focusing permanently on each other.
After the separation
The situation will get back to normal and the children slowly will start to calm down.the calm if the parents are acting on a mutual understanding basis: If the parents are still arguing , the well beeing of the children will not be possible. Parents should be easy going and honest with their offspring. Children are smart. You just have to find the right words to explain the decisions made. In time, they will understand both parents. They must also accept that it is not the role of children to judge the behavior of the father or the mother.
The one who has been betrayed must move forward
The betrayed parent needs to move on. Too often, our clients get bogged down in conflict with the other parent. It is not rare that we will witness a war of words, then a financial war and finally a war using the child when dialogue is impossible. Children can even, in some cases, serve as messengers or even scapegoats.
As a private detective, I was able to meet separated parents who made the choice to vaccinate their children against COVID-19 just out of contradiction with each other and not out of conviction! The child will serve as a “weapon ” to hurt the other ex spouse.
Special cases of “narcissistic perverts”
Beware of the language of narcissistic perverts who will not hesitate to transfer their bad behavior on their own children. The mother or the painkiller father having disappeared , they take revenge on their child. In these cases, it is better that the parent behaving such a way gradually disappears from the life of the child and that stays away as far and long as possible . The influence of the narcissistic pervert on his own children is often harmful for their well beeing and psychological equilibrium.
The parent who has "faulted" must be forgiven
The child needs to feel a form of guilt, both for him as a child, for his own reconstruction by putting himself at the center of the game, but also and above all for his parents. The one who made a mistake or who made sure to initiate the breakup must show that he feels guilty to a point . Too many parents pretend not to regret anything and the child thinks that life with him before the breakup was a bad life for his parent.
Strangely, it often happens that the parent who caused the separation is the one who regrets this breakup a few months later. He will try to come back and start again with the other one.
A private detective’s advice : In Paris where the separation rate is very high, it will rarely works. The balance of the children is important and it is better not to leave them the hope of a new family life starting all over that will fail . In case of infidelity, the cheating parent will have to make sure to recover the lost trust of his children.
The balance of parents is the foundation of the children well beeing
The private detective often is confronted in conflicts where children are in the midst of quarrel.
Each parent wanting the best for their child, but with different methods, the gaps widen in terms of education during a separation. The best thing for the children is that you are not judging the other one’s behavior. New choices in their personal life have to be respected.
How the detective can help to protect the well beeing of the children
The private detective generally intervenes to protect the children from a “dangerous” parent by gathering evidence that could be use in court:
- Prove that a parent is an alcoholic and drives his car with his baby after going around the bars in the city.
- Prove that a parent takes drugs and goes to buy narcotics with his child in his arms in dangerous neighborhoods.
- Prove that a violent and failing parent hits his little children in the street in the heart of Paris when he thinks he is not walking fast enough!
All these examples are concrete and real.
Detectives can bring you evidence to change custody when the child is in real danger.
As an expert in legal evidence, the private detective is the certified professional to gather evidences that will be useful to you in your legal procedures. Our reports are receivable by the courts.
We deliver reports on regular basis that the lawyers can use with « THE JAF », judge for family affairs.
Do not hesitate to contact the agency director, Anthony CAUDAL, for a free consultation. We will provide you with an estimate . We are applying the most competitive rates in Paris and France.